slow

I give myself credit for appearing at my workdesk with all my project files for southwest, my manuscript folder, empty staff paper, laptop, midi-keyboard and headphones. I even remembered to take my two previous notebooks that contain the seeds for the piece.

Meanwhile my Lithuanian colleague is going paperless.

I didnt get anything done today. Realising that this was happening, i proof-listened to a track for a future recording project and sent my comments to the sound designer. I went for an early dinner.

Im writing this on my phone at my friend’s couch, waiting to post tomorrow, once I get back to my laptop I left at the office.

I have 14 days to write this piece. On top of my mind is both a hesitation and a strong will to follow what I feel is the essence of this piece.

Namely two alternating chords, debris and chromaticism that accumulate over time and an increasing sence of pesanteur, pressing down on the gigue-like circular movement, initiated in bar one and carrying until the end.

Decisions, decisions, decisions. Decisions in the face of ignorance and hesitation.

Hesitation is a winter topos - tremolo and sul pont, as illustrated in Vivaldi - and yet plowing through a passage on a wintery street from A to Z demands commitment and a certain lack of care for detail.

At the core of southwest is this seeming lack of care. At the surface, a choreography of lively hesitations.

I wish I could strike today off the calender, but I feel this contact with the concrete floor is a necessary evil to wake me up for more consistency in my work in the coming days.

Courtesy of a lack of inertia, caused in turn by contemplation in stead of decisiveness, i feel like I’m living by a chess master’s rule:

”Don’t just do something, sit there!”